Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
