that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
