I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
