is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
