Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
