On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize