When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
