Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
