For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
