so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
