He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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