I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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