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I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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