you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
