...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?