By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.