try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
