i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream