wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules