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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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• (917): View more from New York City

  It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.

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• (310): View more from California

  she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.

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