this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
