3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
