please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize