I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
