Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
