Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
