I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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