So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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