...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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