I wish I could punch you in the face.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
