Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize