Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
