I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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