Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
