forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
