I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
