I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize