Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
