my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
