We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
