btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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