I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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