last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
