Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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