Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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