hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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