I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
