I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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