u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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