Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
