ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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