There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Say something about gay babies.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
