Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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