And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
