Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
