and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
