so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Be still, my beating vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
