just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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