My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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