Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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