The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
