If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
