I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
