I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
