Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
