You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
