The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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