So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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