He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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