he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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