omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
