I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
