Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
