My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
