i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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