Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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