Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
