in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Use "feeling words"
Yay
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
