What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she told me i tasted like america
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
