I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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