Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
