were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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