I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
did i just pee glitter
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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