Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
