Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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